at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
