Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
