I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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