OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
