i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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