All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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