I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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