That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
