So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
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How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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