It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
