I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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