this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
