I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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