you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
