bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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