Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
