lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
