I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
