Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
