Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
