this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You are the jesus of drinking
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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