he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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