found the other keg... it's in the tree
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
