So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
