I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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