you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
