I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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