Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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