all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
