How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
