DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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