i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
