East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
