Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
