I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize