ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
