I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
