After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
