Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
