I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
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Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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