You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
