she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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