there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
