i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
