Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
