I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
