i permit you to call me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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