Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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