you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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