I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
