it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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