I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
