best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
