I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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