I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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