chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize