Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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