oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Be still, my beating vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
