it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
