I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
