I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
