That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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