Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
