i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
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WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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