Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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